Good Grief

“Good Grief,” a phrase often used to express disbelief or astonishment, but can it  involve something deeper, something that serves a divine purpose? Foster parents are sometimes unprepared for feelings of grief and loss throughout their journey caring for some of the most vulnerable children in our society. Grief is a process that can be intensely uncomfortable or sometimes even painful. What if, in the often unpredictable, heart-wrenching world of foster parenting, grief could actually be… good?

Grief In Fostering
Most foster parents begin their journey caring for children with great love and a deep desire to provide safety and stability. What they’re not always prepared for are the sacrifices and emotional tolls that grief can involve—grief when the child they have grown to love reunifies with their family, grief over the complexities and trauma the child has already experienced in life, grief over the ambiguity of what may come in the child’s future, or even grief involving their own limitations and abilities. 
Sacrificing oneself for the sake of another is not foreign to those who know the love of Jesus. It appears, in the depth of  sorrow, we are being transformed into the image of Christ when we sacrifice ourselves in love. If we let it, grief can deepen our understanding of God’s love. It can open windows of understanding to the deeper mysteries God intends for us to discover when we commit our minds to his mercy, grace, and unfailing love. It can clarify our purpose and remind us of how “God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” John 3:16NKJV. The seeds we sow in every child in our care could be the seeds that bring others to God’s truth. Every moment in love matters and God uses them to strengthen and grow his Kingdom. 

Approaches to letting God make sense of our grief: 

• Read Scripture: Reading and memorizing scripture changes your brain chemistry and builds resiliency.
• Gratitude Journaling: increases dopamine in your brain and renews hope. Gratitude is shown to reduce anxiety and worry. Try journaling times you noticed God answered your prayers and how he has blessed you in sorrow and joy. 
• Prayer and Worship: Has been shown to increase dopamine (associated with joy) and reduces cortisol which is a stress hormone. People who regularly worship and/or pray experience stronger defenses against stress (resiliency), lower levels of depression and anxiety, and have increased joy and peace. 

Remember your grief is not a sign of failure, it is a reflection of a heart full of love. The seeds you are sowing are for the Kingdom and reflect God’s call upon your life. “May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you” 1 Peter 5:10 NKJV. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28 NIV. 

Know this, you are doing Holy work—courageously, imperfectly, and beautifully. 

May you find the indescribable peace that only God can provide. Grief may be the thing God is using to grow your faith and to strengthen your relationship and trust in him. Because maybe “good grief” is not just an oxymoron, maybe it is part of the gift of sacrificial love.
Because sometimes, “good grief” really is possible.
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By Lisa Marr, Family Care Manager