Grief. Discouragement. Faith. Friends. Beauty.

In 2023, as Emily and Shane McDaniel said goodbye to the two children placed with them, they felt a growing discouragement. The couple stepped into foster care with a passion to serve children in foster care AND their biological parents. After serving 15 children, that hadn’t happened.  Instead, they felt like the “revolving door of foster care”.  Emily shared, “When we stepped into foster care in 2020, we had big hopes to invite these families to Christmas dinner. We thought we could foster families and not just children. It was a disappointment that the dream of fostering families hadn’t been our reality. We truly believe in reunification, but no one wanted us.”

As they struggled and grieved, Shane and Emily leaned into their faith. According to Shane, “Lots of times we felt like we were failing. We asked ourselves if this was what God wants for us, to be the temporary parents. Looking back, can see God was preparing us for what it would look like to be a family of seven. Our entire experience as foster parents has prepared us for each of the kids in our house.”

At Project 1.27’s Family Christmas party in 2023, the McDaniels shared their discouragement with another Project 1.27 family, the Stephens. Emily describes their friendship with the Stephens like this, “It’s like we have a bonus family with the Stephens. They know what it is to be a foster family, to wrestle, to feel defeated.” The Stephens helped Shane and Emily think about all the things that had happened, and to see that what looked like a mess, was really a beginning. 

Today, Shane and Emily have a full house that includes two littles under two, two preteen middles, and a nineteen-year-old! After feeling like the revolving door of foster care, the four children Shane and Emily were fostering last Christmas have remained in their home, and they’ve welcomed a second little girl, who had been placed with the Stephens. Learning the little girl would need an adoptive family, Shane and Emily stepped in and are moving forward to adopt her. In November, Shane and Emily celebrated the adoption of the baby girl they welcomed in 2023.  At the request of their nineteen-year-old, Jacob, the McDaniels are also pursuing adult adoption for him. 
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Shane and Emily describe their new family dynamics this way, “The big helps with the middles. The middles help with the babies. The babies love their big brother. It’s a cool family dynamic. They need each other.”  Shane goes on to share, “It is fascinating to see how much the children have in common even with wildly different backgrounds.”

Reflecting on the beauty he’s seen as a foster dad, Shane shared, “I’m an eternal optimist. Every placement we’ve had I’ve grabbed hold of something beautiful. We’ve had some placements that were raw. One was hands-down the most difficult teenager I’ve ever experienced. One day, I took this teen to work with me and he immediately attached to my coworker, a guy whose life was in shambles. My teen thought this coworker was the coolest guy. That day, my coworker told the boy that there’s always hope when you know your Creator. I couldn’t get through to the boy when I shared about faith, but that day, my coworker could. Wow, I was not expecting that!”

Emily’s reflection on beauty went quickly to their oldest, Jacob. At 17, Jacob’s mom, his only family member, died of cancer. The McDaniels welcomed Jacob into their home. Recently, 9 News interviewed Jacob about his experience. Emily, listening to Jacob during the interview, was moved to tears when he shared, “I got a second chance in foster care. When I arrived, my foster parents said, ‘You’re ours now. Anything you need.’ It was wonderful. My foster parents, they just jumped right in.” Emily shared, “Listening to interview, I was teary-eyed, thinking Jacob is amazing. It feels crazy that this is our story. During the day-to-day we’re just getting through, minute-by-minute. It feels like we fail more than we succeed. It was amazing to hear Jacob share.”(Watch Jacob’s interview at https://www.9news.com/video/news/local/colorado-teen-puts-himself-in-foster-care/73-3e9ee603-3ba1-445c-a152-e241e8c6acac) Jacob is moving out on his own in January, but the McDaniels will always be his home base. 

After sharing about Jacob, Emily shared about their recently adopted little girl, Emory. “I grieve the loss her “tummy mommy” must feel and the grief Emory will feel in the future not knowing anything about her biological family. Foster Care is hard. Not every season feels joyful, magical, fa-la-la. Even in the most beautiful situations we get to be part of, there is grief. And there is room for both.”

Grief. Discouragement. Faith. Friends. Beauty. Emily and Shane know they are all part of fostering. 
Shane shared there a few ways you can pray for the McDaniel family. “We’re entering a season where all the children with us have adoption as a concurrent goal. This is the first time that has been true. We’re a family of 7 and there’s potential that this is our family. Pray for us as we navigate all the dynamics of what a forever family will look like. “

By Shelly Radic, Executive Director