Navigating Holiday Stress

Children in foster care or adoptive homes struggle with the impact of separation, loss, and the resulting grief.  During the holidays, feelings and behaviors associated with grief and loss may escalate.  Foster and adoptive parents can support the children in their home by acknowledging and affirming their losses.  Children grieve in spurts and at expected and unexpected times, often expressed through their behaviors. Children may withdraw or isolate themselves, revert to bedwetting or a younger developmental age, and have temper tantrums. 

Studies show that holidays are stressful for most of us, but reactions can be extreme for children in out-of-home placements.  Children may be in good spirits at one moment, and the next could be aggressive behavior or crying.  While the holidays may be difficult for everyone involved, there are some things you can do to not only help your family navigate the holidays but also to support the foster and adoptive children in your home. ​

• Help children navigate these times by discussing the holidays and activities in advance. Share with them how your family celebrates the holidays and traditions. 
• Children placed in your home may miss some traditions and activities they experienced with their family.  Allow the children to share how their family has celebrated in the past and try to incorporate some of their traditions with yours. 
• Children may feel conflicted about their birth families and worry about them.  Empathize and acknowledge their feelings and reassure them about the safety and care of their family.
• Take this opportunity to make and decorate small gifts or cards for the children to share with their birth parents, extended family, and siblings, allowing them to celebrate with their biological family even when apart for the holidays.
• Many holiday happenings can be overwhelming, like additional people in and out of the home, different smells, and loud noises.  Whether you will be celebrating in your home or visiting extended family, make an exit plan.  Part of your plan may need to be taking separate cars.   Let them know it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and create a plan in advance. Your plan could be going outside for a walk and fresh air, allowing them to stay near you until they feel more settled; other times, it may mean leaving earlier than planned. 
  

By Marilyn Robinson, Director of Family Support