Staying Connected
Kids require a lot of energy! Whether children have been lovingly nurtured since birth or experienced significant trauma, they require patience that seems to go beyond our reserves at times. Our reactions, especially when we’re stressed or exhausted, make a world of difference. We don’t always respond the way we know we should, but our goal is to stay emotionally connected with the child. Thankfully, when we make mistakes, we have the opportunity to repair the relationship with an apology.
In order to stay connected, awareness is essential. We need to be aware of our own emotions, attachment style, and emotional availability to the child. What are the non-verbal messages that we are sending through our eye contact, tone of voice, and willingness to engage in challenging situations? Children from hard places have become experts at reading non-verbal signals to determine safety and whether or not someone should be trusted. In order to build trust and help improve a child’s ability to for a secure attachment, there are a number of things that you can do as a Support Team Member.
In order to stay connected, awareness is essential. We need to be aware of our own emotions, attachment style, and emotional availability to the child. What are the non-verbal messages that we are sending through our eye contact, tone of voice, and willingness to engage in challenging situations? Children from hard places have become experts at reading non-verbal signals to determine safety and whether or not someone should be trusted. In order to build trust and help improve a child’s ability to for a secure attachment, there are a number of things that you can do as a Support Team Member.
- “Give voice” to a child by allowing them to make choices as often as your able. When they have the ability to exert control or have a preference, it promotes increased self-esteem and self-identity. “Giving voice” may also include empowering the child to speak about their needs (physical or emotional) so that they will learn healthy and effective ways to advocate for themselves.
- Be aware of the child’s comfort level and anxiety as you interact with them. Watch for pupil dilation, rapid breathing, and muscle tension. Gauge your interactions and interventions as you see them responding. Their behaviors may also give you a clue that they are struggling or a need is not being met.
- Be attuned. In being attuned with the child, you will practice matching in terms of eye contact, body position, safe touch, and voice inflection. Acting in this way will help the child relate with you.
- Playfully engage with the child. Even if you’re needing to correct the child, remain playful as much as possible. Children are more likely to change unhelpful behaviors if the adult first asks or interacts playfully. The interactions then tend to bring about less conflict and build trust in the relationship.
- Give and receive care. If a child experiences abuse or neglect, having someone provide tender care when they’re hurt or upset may be new. We often talk about the “hidden gems” with rough exteriors and amazing beauty inside. By nurturing kids with care when they’re vulnerable, they can learn to trust us and our unconditional love for them. When we receive care, we allow children to learn about empathy and the mutual love that goes into a relationship. Kids feel better about themselves when they believe they have something to offer back to us as well.
Another great way to learn more about building and maintaining connection with a child from a hard place, is to attend the Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) Caregiver Training: Connecting Principles provided by Project 1.27 on June 23rd!
Please click the link for more information and registration https://p127tbricaregiver.eventbrite.com.
Texas Christian University’s Karyn Purvis Institute for Child Development has a website (empoweredtoconnect.org) that contains many resources regarding caring for kids from hard places. Click here for a link to their library of short videos and articles http://empoweredtoconnect.org/resources/
