Getting to the Bottom of Big Behaviors

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! The Christmas tree is up, presents are all being bought, and holiday music is playing in the background. Little Maria has been in your home for eight months. There have been some ups and downs, but she’s been settling in and starting to feel comfortable in your home. You’re so excited to give her the things you purchased from her Christmas list, and you have so many fun Holiday activities planned. What could go wrong?

Fast forward to December 25. The past three weeks haven’t gone exactly as planned. Maria cried during almost every planned activity. During Christmas cookie decorating, she threw the icing across the room in frustration when her snowflake didn’t look exactly the way she wanted. She said she hated the school Christmas party and wouldn’t participate. And now it’s Christmas morning, and Maria’s frustration (and yours!) has only grown. The presents you thought she would love sit ignored on the floor while Maria fights with the other kids in the home over seemingly nothing.

So, what’s going on? Why is Maria struggling so much? When caring for kids from hard places, we must become detectives regarding behavior. A few questions you could ask are:

1. What traditions did Maria have before entering your home? She may have had a particular food or custom that she misses. Engage with the child in your home and ask them what traditions are important to them.

2. Is the child overstimulated? You may have planned your life around a child in your home for months. You created perfect routines, ensured environments weren’t too loud and held to a bedtime every night. These structures sometimes go out the window during the holidays. What routines and structures could you keep in place even when things around you are hectic?

3. Are there too many activities? What can be simplified? Sometimes because we want the kids in our homes to experience everything, we try to cram too many things for a little body to handle. Maybe it’s buying two unique presents instead of 10. Or perhaps it’s picking only one special outing (like zoo lights). You may find they hold more special meaning, and it’s easier to plan around the chaos when it isn’t constant.
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The holidays are bound to come with a certain degree of chaos. But with careful planning and asking questions when significant behaviors happen, we can help the kids in our homes get through and even enjoy the season!