Meet the family who has fostered close to 50 kids since 2013

Since 2013, Karen & Paul Dunlap have fostered close to 50 children. Their three grown children have also fostered and adopted, and over 100 kids from foster care have been part of the extended family!
Recently, Karen and Paul welcomed Nia*, an angry 14-year-old, straight from a juvenile detention center. After Nia dumped black trash bags of stuff on the bedroom floor, Karen realized some of the anger stemmed from the fact that Nia was adamant that none of the things belonged to her. No jeans that fit correctly, or even a familiar pair of shoes. Karen asked Nia, “What if we take $100 and get you some things that you pick out.” The teen reluctantly went. Karen shared, “She purchased stuff I had to bite my tongue about, reminding myself that it wasn’t about the purchases. It was about Nia knowing I heard her, and I cared.”

Currently, the Dunlaps are taking short term placements, like Nia. Some are older, tough kids, even gang members. Even in the short time they are with her, Karen works to spend the kind of quality time with them where they feel heard, safe, and loved. She prays that they will see the real reason she can so easily love them. She says, "Especially with shorter placements, it's easy to feel like we have made no lasting difference in their lives."  But knowing that God's heart will be forever chasing after these kids, she is content to be planting seeds he can use in their lives down the road. She hopes that one day they will say, “I remember that one lady who thought God was the answer. Maybe she was right!”

When they first become foster parents, Karen and her husband Paul, fostered long term placements. One day, two little boys, 9 months and 5 years old arrived. Due to neglect and malnourishment the 5 year-old was the size of a 3 year-old and the 9 month-old was an extreme failure to thrive baby. The Dunlaps worked for months to get the boys healthy. Mom’s alcoholism was very severe, but after having already lost custody of her two older sons she was determined not to lose any more kids to the system. She checked herself into a rehab center. Over time, Paul and Karen formed a strong relationship with the boy's parents, one that’s lasted over six years.

Karen shares, “From this placement, I realized how much getting to know the parents meant to me. It's one of my favorite parts now. The parents succeeded in getting their lives back together and the family was reunified. Today, the mom is insanely healthy, very fit and works as a CNA in a nursing home. "We see the family periodically.   Birthday parties for sure.  Or they may go to church with us, then come hang out in our backyard and grill while the boys play.  We believe fostering can be about changing the trajectory of a family for generations to come!”

On the day their case was closed the parents told the court,” The day you took our kids, was both the worst day and best day of our lives. Without you, we would have never been able to made the changes you helped facilitate.” They thanked Karen for her support of them and her care for the kids, promising the court that they would forever parent differently. They were truly grateful for the space and help the foster care system had given them to make foundational changes that would allow them to be the parents they knew their kids should have had all along.

What’s it like to prepare for a child’s arrival?
“Most of our kids arrive pretty last minute. For younger kids arriving late, we will keep the lights dim, put on a Disney movie and have snacks and sippy cups ready so we can have a few minutes to chat with the case worker and get paperwork done. We want the kids to feel as comfortable as possible in this awkward situation.  I think the most important thing we do is to block out space in our calendars for a while so we can spend bunches of time getting to know each other.“

Karen and Paul have a storehouse of kid supplies. One side of their garage holds 27 car seats, 5 different types of cribs, bunk beds, and twin beds. They also have a variety of comforters and curtain sets, some suitable for boys, some for girls, and multiple ages as they accept kids 0-18 years of age.

A quick room make-over happens before new children arrive. Paul moves in the appropriate furniture and switches out the curtains. In just a short time a room can look completely different. "We want kids to move into a room that fits them, not a room that screams, I don’t belong."

With older kids, Karen tries to initiate meaningful conversation when the opportunity arises. With one pregnant teenager she asked, “How do you want this little guys future to look different than yours has been? What do you think you want out of life?" The teen wrote the question on a card and kept it in her room. After months of living in the stability of the Dunlap’s home she finally responded, “I want my son to be involved in things that typical kids get to do, like be on a baseball team and play with cousins on holidays. Before coming here, I had no idea that I had missed what most kids got to do." Karen loves that this girl’s son, who is now six, sleeps in the same bed every night. While the teen mom hasn’t done a complete 180 from how she grew up, she has taken some important steps and her son has a better chance than she did.

What do you love most about serving as a foster parent? 
According to Karen, “God has placed us all where he wants to use us. There are people that build wells to offer clean water, and people who rescue women from sex trade." Because Karen believes that fatherless children hold a special place in God's heart she's grateful this is the place they get to serve even though it's not easy. Like others, they've had the police in their homes and some kids that were really hard to work with.  She says that this journey has shown them how much God loves those who care for the orphan as well. "If our hearts shattered every time a kiddo left we wouldn't be able to keep doing this! We love them madly and advocate for them like they are our own, and then let them go with peace in our hearts knowing that God is sovereign. We can only let them go like this because he loves us too, and is protecting our hearts!”
 
What are the top 3 things that make you feel supported as a foster parent?

• Respite care. "God provided us with Nancy. She became approved to stay with the kids at our house when we needed a break. We can leave and do a mission trip or vacation without feeling badly because Nancy is there. The kids get to sleep in their own beds without yet another harmful transition. She’s my Ephesians 3 answer to prayer, more than I could ever ask or imagine!"
• Friendship. "I have a small group of women I quilt with every week. Godly women.  We chat about our lives and pray for each other while we sew.  It's often kind of an island of sanity in my otherwise crazy week."
• Paul! Karen says of her husband, “We couldn’t be more different. He’s thoughtful and rational. I might get a sudden bright idea of something we could do, like adopt a certain child, and Paul will calmly say, "Maybe we should meet him first." Paul is super steady, a God given filter and support for what is on my heart. When I need a break at the end of the day and I hear the key in the door, I yell, “Grandpa’s here!” and he is ON for those kids! Together, we are all-in!"

 
How can we pray for your family?
"We know how old we are, so our role in foster parenting will change soon enough. I don’t think we'll be stepping out entirely, but our role may need to change. Pray that we’ll accept whatever new direction he has for us."

How can we pray for children and families you serve? 
​"Jeremiah 29 says that God plans to give us a hope and a future. I can't imagine how he could rescue the stories of some of the families God has allowed us to serve. I may never know what “hope and future” could look like for them, but he does. Please pray for their hope and future and that God will use more people to change their lives, and the generations beyond them." ​