Now I'm a mom! Interview with new foster mom Nadia

Originally, I was set on adopting a seven-year-old boy who loved sports. Then, God changed my mind as my agency started presenting teen girls who needed a family.

Nadia, who describes herself as a single, 38- year-old Christ follower and big sports person recently added to that description, “Now I’m a mom!” In a recent interview with Project 1.27, Nadia shared about preparing to be a foster parent and recently welcoming The Teenager* into her home.

*Nadia and her new foster daughter have settled on The Teenager as a nickname to keep the teen’s identity confidential during this interview.

What led you to explore fostering?
I’ve always known I wanted to adopt rather than birth kids biologically. In my early 30’s, I started reading about foster care and kids aging out of foster care without a family and the statistics were just awful. Then, I was reading something by pastor and author, Max Lucado, where he shared that if one family out of every Christian community in the US would adopt a waiting foster child, there would be no kids in foster care waiting for families.

How did you decide on a teen girl?
Originally, I was set on adopting a seven-year-old boy who loved sports. Then, God changed my mind as my agency started presenting teen girls who needed a family.

What are some highpoints and low points of your process so far?
Highpoints in the process have included the support I received from P1.27 and my placement agency. I feel confident in my parenting because of the training I received from Project 1.27.  I know Project 1.27 cares about me and The Teenager. It’s not just superficial.
The timeline has been one of my low points. There were things that didn’t work out at first and possible placements that fell thru. While waiting for The Teenager to be place in my home, I struggled with the limited communication with her placement team. Sometimes their actions didn’t make it feel like they were there for The Teenager. One example is waiting for two weeks and three email requests to get a response on something. Sometimes I feel like my voice isn’t important to her team as I try and advocate for her. I’m in the trenches with her every day and they check in once a month.

As you were training and preparing, what caught you by surprise?
The awful statistics about kids who age out without a family caught me by surprise.
As did everything I learned about trauma and the impact on kids. Through TBRI (Trust Based Relational Intervention) I even learned about how trauma can change the way a child’s brain looks and how that child responds.
I was also surprised that there wasn’t more involved with becoming a foster parent. 32 hours of training and then you can be a parent. Of course, there’s also the home study and background process after that. And the paperwork!

How did your family respond when you told them you wanted to foster/adopt?
For the most part my family was excited and supportive because I’ve been talking about this for years. My mom was pushing for a younger child, just like I started off wanting a younger boy. Now, as my mom gets to know The Teenager, she’s warming up to the idea of a teen.  My nephews and sister-in-law are very excited.

What has it been like having a teenager join your family?
Since I’ve been living on my own for ten years, it’s been difficult to share space with someone else, especially the bathroom. All that hair!  It’s a blessing having The Teenager because she can be on her own sometimes. Being a mom is stretching me! I’m growing in patience. I’m an emotional reactor so this is causing me to have to slow down and think before I react to the good and the hard.
The Teenager was with her foster family for five years, a foster mom, foster dad and their adult son. Now it’s the two of us with a new set of rules, going to church twice a week, getting involved in school activities. The Teenager’s foster family was awesome, but different from me. She has to get used to that.

What do you love about parenting a teenager?
I love the independence she has.  We do things together of course, but there are also activities we do separately. I love that we can talk about issues and I can help her see other sides that would be lost on a younger kid.

What are your hopes and dreams for The Teenager?
I hope she goes to college or trade school. She’d be the first in her family to attend. My number one hope is for her to realize who she is in Christ. Up to now, her identity has been all about the physical and I want her to know that she’s more than her appearance. I want The Teenager to be happy and know her past doesn’t define her. Her past is a part of her but doesn’t define who she is and who she can be. There is a quote we both love that says, “Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” I want The Teenager to live in freedom.

Tell us about your support system
I have a great support system in my church family and Bible study ladies, along with other friends who have been on this journey with me since the beginning. My church family has been praying for me and the child I’m now fostering for two years, starting the day I turned in my foster certification paperwork.
I also have a group of moms I talk to about cultural issues as The Teenager is biracial. We also talk about discipline issues, school issues, all kinds things moms need to know.
I don’t know how you would be a parent without support. It is invaluable.
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How have you changed since you started the process?
I have let go of some of my Type A personality traits and learned to compromise in some areas. Giving The Teenager a choice is different than the way I was brought up, but I’m learning I can get a better result if I offer choices. I still need to be the parent, The Teenager needs boundaries and consistency, but I’m approaching this differently.
During the foster certification and placement process, a lady in my Bible Study group told me God was preparing me to be the mom I am supposed to be. For someone who thrives on control, to have absolutely no control of the foster process, especially the placement transition process, helped me realize I had to give God the control. I’ve realized that because of the waiting - for both The Teenager and me, I get to be HER mom. For example, The Teenager, after an unfortunate earlier adoption disruption, was placed back into foster care the same month I turned in my foster parent paperwork.

What’s next?
Adoption. That’s what The Teenager and I both want.

What would you tell other people considering foster care or adoption?
Pray about it and take the first step of obedience. Trust the process. Get your training through Project 1.27.

Why do you think it’s important for churches to be involved?
Oh, man. We are called to help the orphans and widow. Its not an optional thing. It doesn’t mean every Christian is called to adopt or foster, but we are all called to be involved in some way. As one who has been adopted by Christ, I want to show that same type of grace to someone else.

How can we be praying for you?
Pray for discernment, wisdom and patience in parenting The Teenager.

Anything else you want to share?
Don’t let your marital or financial status hold you back from taking this step. Society tells you that you must be married and make $100,000/year. Don’t let something that isn’t really a barrier, be a barrier. Take the first step and you’ll be surprised at how doors will open. People say, “You’re choosing to be a single mom. And I say, “Yes, I’m choosing to be a single mom because this kid needs a family.”