Planting Seeds of Love

Tim, an IT Coordinator, and his wife Liz, a career branding coach, always knew adoption would be part of their lives. After moving to Colorado, they decided to explore foster care and attended a Project 1.27 Info Night. Liz shares that her heart had been disconnected from fostering until she heard the statistics about kids in foster care. Those statistics started conversations about how the couple would get involved. Two minutes in, she was crying, and Tim had quietly decided he was, too.

Liz and Tim were in the process of becoming foster parents when at the memorial service for Liz's dad, they were deeply struck by the many tributes to his unconditional love. Liz shares, "My dad was a pastor, and he intentionally tried to love whoever was in front of him. Even the dry cleaner had something to say about Dad. The example of his love toward others reminded us of why we entered foster care - to plant seeds of love. We might not see the fruit of our labor, but we have faith that God will grow those seeds into a magnificent garden."

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Since 2019, Tim and Liz have given their hearts to four different children. The first, Mr. N, an older boy, presented some significant challenges. While Mr. N was in their home, Liz and Tim made a choice to uniquely use their God-given gifts to practically love him when the feeling didn't come easy at first. Liz was adept at seeing Mr. N's needs and going to the mat to meet them. She advocated for Mr. N at school, became more educated about racial equity, and the couple worked to provide racial mirrors so they could meet Mr. N's intrinsic needs.

During this time, as Tim was working to repair his computer after it was accidently damaged, he had the idea to use his unique skills in refurbishing computers to love other kids and families involved with foster care. "I wondered if other foster parents were in the same situation with their computers or needed working computers for their foster kids. I posted a story on my LinkedIn page asking if anyone had old laptops to donate, and people responded. Since then, I've been able to build multiple computers for foster families. We just had someone pick up a computer for a kid they fostered who earned his GED and needed a computer to go to college!"
After Mr. N left, Tim and Liz welcomed Baby M. Tim shares that after experiencing how difficult it can be to love, little M did something to his heart that made him decide, "We're not going to give up on this. That helped me to be more radically present.  In foster care, you live in the day. I learned that one of the best things about foster care is that the kids take a part of your heart with them when they leave. You don't ever get that part back, and I really don't want it back. Even when there's heartbreak. Kids need that little kickstart of love to take with them."

When Liz learned Baby M had brothers on his maternal side, the couple chose to love those boys, too. Little M was going to move to paternal family members, so the couple organized a park date to bring both parts of M's family together so he and his brothers would be connected going forward.

One of the things that most surprised Liz about foster care was witnessing the goodness of reunification with blood relatives. She saw the crippling wounds Mr. N carried from not having biological family connections and the deep trauma. That experience helped Liz choose to be generous and not territorial with baby M's relatives. Liz shared photos, updates, and early experiences of little M's first months of life, even though it was painful to transition a child she loved as her own to another family. That love has since turned into a blossoming friendship. Now, with Liz and Tim anticipating the birth of a sweet baby boy this spring, M's family has RSVP'd for the shower - seeds of loving sprouting into beautiful relationships.

Loving the birth family was also part of Liz and Tim's third placement, who went to live with relatives in late 2020. Loving this little guy, Baby K, didn’t come as quickly as loving M. Tim shares, "With K, the first week we had him home, he was shaking from withdrawal, crying for hours on end, and his little legs would flex up. I would just hold him, knowing that act of love would slowly take root in both of us." Still, when Baby K eventually moved to his relatives, it was hard for Liz and Tim. Liz shares, "I was feeling sorry for myself, that I didn't have K's chunky, happy self after helping him heal from a rough start. But in a follow-up call with his custodial relatives, they talked about how much K looked like his grandfather and great-grandfather, I was reminded of what a blessing it is for K to be with people who know his roots."

Liz continues, "I've learned that allowing yourself to go through the grief and loss process with each child is extremely critical for your own well-being in the foster journey. It's a way of watering those seeds of love in yourself. Grief and loss are unavoidable if you are doing it 'right.' The things you go through can bury you or expand your soul in new ways that give you the fortitude to keep loving. A favorite quote I heard recently on Disney's Wanda Vision gave me another perspective: 'But what is grief, if not love persevering?'"

As they've fostered, Tim and Liz have also planted seeds of love in their caseworkers at Collaborative Foster Care, involving Jefferson, Arapahoe, and Douglas Counties. The couple loves working with the Collaborative! They've also allowed others to plant seeds of love in their own lives. Liz says, "The ability to accept help and say yes to support is an essential part of a foster parent's toolkit." Tim and Liz have been poured into by another P127 alumni couple, one of the first to get certified by P127. Another couple who loved on Tim and Liz are now preparing to be foster parents, and Tim and Liz will be part of their support team. Tim says, "I look back on 2020 and think, what an amazing year we had even amid a global pandemic. We got to love two little guys who provided such a great focus when the world was falling apart, or life got really tough."

When asked for suggestions on how other people can sow seeds of love in foster care, Tim and Liz responded, "Offer respite, a few hours or a weekend so they can get some date nights in. Support their marriage and biological kids. Meet tangible needs by leaving toilet paper or a bag of clothes on the porch. Look at what you already have and give that. Make a double meal and give half to a foster family. Get coffee or drinks and help the parents relax, be a safe person to talk with, listen without judgment, and be a friend who consistently shows up. Pray and send the family your prayers. You don't have to invent something new, do something with what you have."

How can you pray for Tim and Liz?
Pray for the health of their baby arriving this spring, their recent placement, Baby Z, and caring for two babies, both less than 8 months old, at the same time. ​