Showing Love to Kids from Hard Places

As a support team member to your foster family, you likely have love and generosity to spare. As your loved ones welcome children and settle into a routine, the foster child will become a part of outings and everyday events. You want to play a role in ensuring the child feels welcomed and included but sometimes it’s unclear how to navigate the new relationship. Children who have experienced trauma show and receive love differently than you might be used to due to the hurt they have experienced.
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Below are four ways that you can show love to kids from hard places that encourage connection, but still honor the boundaries and relationships they are building with their new foster family.

Write encouraging notes to the foster child. Encouraging quotes, age-appropriate stickers, coloring pages, hand-drawn cartoons and other creative expressions let the foster child know he is a welcome part of the community.

Use kind words around the foster child. Notice the things that a child is good at and point that out. For example, ‘I saw you share your toy with Casey even though it is your favorite. That was very kind of you.’ Your kind words help the child identify her positive attributes and gain much needed self-confidence.

Play board games together. Spending silly and unstructured time together shows a foster child he is loved and a valued companion. A game of Sorry, Hide and Seek, or basketball can go a long way in building connection.

Be patient with challenging behaviors. Foster children often have multiple traumatic experiences and may show behaviors you haven’t seen in a child. While the foster parent is working to set household structure and correct behaviors, an understanding on your part will go a long way in creating a safe place for both the foster child and parent. Even when expressing feelings thru negative behaviors, children want to be understood and valued. A child may not have learned the skills to handle situations in a healthy way, but loving, nurturing, patient adults can help him learn positive social skills while navigating complex emotions and experiences.

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