Starting Over as a Kinship Grandma

After raising three children to adulthood, Angela* never expected to start over with more children. However, when her 8-month-old grandson, Jackson, needed her, she gladly stepped forward to take custody. Angela rushed to complete her foster parent certification to become a kinship care provider for him. Several years later, two more of Angela's grandchildren needed a safe home, and Angela, again, said yes. Today she still parents all three children, who are now 8, 6, and 6 years old. “I never imagined I’d be starting over with children,” Angela noted during this interview. “I thought I’d have them for a few months, and then they’d return to mom.”

Across the state of Colorado, many people like Angela are becoming kinship providers for children in foster care. In 2020 alone, 3,116 Colorado children and youth lived with a kinship family in Colorado. Kinship families are trusted, safe adults who a child or youth already knows. They can be biological family members, like an uncle or grandparent, or adults who are “like family,” such as a neighbor, friend’s parent, or coach. Kinship caregivers provide care and protection to children and youth who cannot remain safely in their homes due to issues including child abuse and neglect, substance abuse, incarceration, mental health, domestic violence, or even the death of a parent.

Describing the phone call asking her to take Jackson, Angela shared, “I didn’t realize what was going on. At first, Jackson was placed elsewhere, and I fought to get him with me.” Angela’s daughter and Jackson’s mother, Kate, was only 17 and living with her at the time. For Angela to have custody of Jackson, Kate had to move out. Angela felt like she was forced to choose her grandson over her daughter. “The whole thing was a very traumatic experience for all of us,” Angela shares. “It was a hard season. [Kate] had a child mindset, and we had no positive interactions. She thought I was trying to take Jackson away from her.” 

After caring for Jackson for over five years, Angela is working toward reunifying him with Kate. Now, she and Kate have a great relationship and work to co-parent Jackson. Kate usually takes him several nights each week and is working toward parenting him full-time. “It’s been a long process,” Angela shares, “but now, for the last year, my daughter has been doing well and is stable.”

Angela’s other two grandchildren have been a different story. The state of Colorado terminated their parents’ rights, and after the appeal process, Angela will become their adoptive mom.  

Angela quickly learned that she needed support and resources to parent her grandchildren. She plugged into a Project 1.27 Kinship Support Group and recently went through the ECHOFlex family training program. “I met others who are struggling like me, and we learn from each other,” Angela said. She has also made connections for the kids, including a male role model who provides childcare during the support group. Angela works hard to find activities to help them grow as a family and to have fun together.

Angela described her journey; "It’s been hard, and it’s not pretty, but they’re my grandkids, and I love them.”
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*Names have been changed to protect privacy