The Kinship Difference

In September, we honor kinship caregivers who provide love and safety for a child and preserve important family bonds. We hold you in high regard!

For many years, I thought being a foster parent and a kinship provider were the same because both involved parenting other people’s children. Boy, was I wrong! Recent events have challenged a few of my thoughts.

Earlier this summer, I was privileged to provide diapers to a 68-year-old grandma raising her 3-year-old granddaughter. This beautiful soul invited me into her home and began sharing why she chose to step into this awkward and challenging space to care for her beautiful young grandchild, even at her advanced age. For the next half hour, she shared about the life she gave up to care for her grandchild and how she had zero regrets for choosing to prioritize her granddaughter's safety over the simple life she had previously enjoyed.

In listening to her story, I realized then that her life changed in an instant. She didn't plan to become a foster parent or undergo a lengthy certification process, slowly preparing for a child to enter her home. She was asked to care for her granddaughter without advanced notice or time for planning or preparation. 

She chose to parent again because she understood the trauma that was experienced by this child, and the thought of a stranger raising this child broke her heart.  She has found so much joy in parenting her grandchild, that she wants to encourage others who are older not to shy away from becoming a kinship provider.

In stepping into her role as "mom" rather than "grandma," she gave up her freedom (time and financial) to do as she pleases.  She gets weird looks when she states that she is "mom" and finds that navigating the boundaries that kinship requires can be tricky and hard, especially the tension (and beauty) of trying to maintain a relationship with her own child while raising that child's child.

In the state of Colorado, there are currently 12,485 grandparents caring for their grandchildren. Kinship caregivers can be relatives, friends, neighbors, or other people with a significant relationship to a child, youth, or family. Placing a child with a kinship caregiver is less traumatic than placing a child with a stranger, so when children or youth cannot remain safely at home, a county or agency will seek out kinship caregivers before moving a child into a foster home. 

Kinship providers may not have access to the same resources as foster families. If a kinship caregiver chooses to go through the foster care certification process, they will have access to more resources than those who do not. Kinship providers are also tasked with navigating complex family dynamics and relationships. 

Project 1.27 supports and encourages kinship caregivers by providing diapers, access to foster closets, training, and community. 

If you are or know a kinship caregiver, here are some tips that can support positive outcomes for children in kinship families-

• Provide consistency in your care.
• Remember, children still love their parents, even when things go horribly wrong. Be mindful to keep feelings about the parent’s actions or addiction separate from feelings about the actual person. This helps preserve the child’s connection to the parents.
• Create a safe place for children to share their feelings. Children share their feelings through behaviors until they have the words to articulate big feelings. Provide opportunities for them to learn words to describe big feelings.
• Find ways to laugh and have fun together. Kids learn through play and build connections through laughter and fun.    

By Lisa McGinnett, Western Slope Director