Tips for Co-Parenting Well

Foster care is supporting children and their parents during a period of separation. This involves co-parenting with the child’s biological parents.  Co-parenting can be one of the hardest parts of a foster parent’s job. Done well, co-parenting can be an important factor in the child’s smooth return home and reduce the likelihood the child will reenter foster care in the future.  Co-parenting is a gift to kids in foster care because they see the adults in their life working as a team and struggle less with divided loyalties. The foster parent can also serve as a healthy parenting role model for the biological parents. 

TIPS for Co-Parenting:

• Make contact with the child’s parent as soon as possible. Reach out to your caseworker for the parents’ information and get approval to make contact with the family.  Assure the parents you will take good care of their child for as long as he is in your home. If direct contact isn’t possible, take time to send the parents a note. 

• Don’t try to replace the child’s parents. Assure the birth parent that you are not trying to replace them in their child’s life.  Ask them questions about their child’s likes and dislikes and whenever possible solicit their advice. 
• Don’t take their anger personally. Anger is an expression of intense grief, humiliation and fear that comes when having a child placed in foster care. 
• Refrain from saying negative things about the birth parent. Use words that strengthen the connection between parent and child.
• Communicate regularly with the child’s parents. Consider setting up a google voice number, post office box, or separate email account to facilitate communication. Some foster parents utilize a Back and Forth Book at visits to receive and share information, photos and milestones in the child’s life. (Link to Back and Forth Book resource). 
• Include the child’s parents. With the caseworker’s permission, invite the birth parents to medical appointments, school activities and meetings, church functions, community activities, birthdays, and holidays.  Introduce them as the child’s parents. 
• Build the parents up. Recognize the parents’ strengths, encourage them and always share something positive and affirming
• Treat your foster child’s parents with kindness. Remember that you are modeling good adult behavior to them, as well as to your foster child.
• Pray for child’s parents. Encourage the children in your home to add the parents to their prayers as well. ​