​Trauma, Grief, and Loss: A Refresher for a Time of Crisis

During Support Team Training, you may recall learning about the many traumas foster children experience and the resulting impact of grief and loss. As children go through the process of resolving their experiences, it is not uncommon for a new traumatic event like the fallout of COVID-19 to re-start the cycle. Foster parents work tremendously hard to create a sense of stability and safety, which for many kids was upended overnight by this pandemic. In a time where children are being asked to shoulder many changes and uncertainties in their daily routine, psychological and emotional distress may resurface. Below is a refresher on each stage of grief, how this global crisis may be affecting a child impacted by foster care, and some helpful tips on how to walk alongside a foster child navigating new losses.

Denial: It can be difficult to help children understand what is going during this pandemic. Children may feel that this viral threat does not affect them and they can still have visits with family, play dates with friends, and continue going to school. Since things changed so dramatically over spring break, children may have thought of the first weeks as an extended vacation and expected to quickly return to normal.

Anger: Once the reality starts to set in, children may become angry about the various losses in their life. For foster children specifically, they may have lost visitation with biological parents, had disruption in the mental health or other services they receive, and temporarily lost physical contact with case professionals they saw regularly. Considering how hard foster families, case teams, and children work to build and maintain these important connections, losing another stability factor is difficult and regression could follow. There may also be anger towards the foster parent, as it could be perceived the parents are the ones implementing the strict guidelines. When possible, invite the child to use you as a sounding board, a safe person who will listen without judgement. 

Bargaining: Children may think that if they do what is asked of them for a specific period of time, that their normal activities will resume quickly, or if they complete the practices asked of them, that people they love will not get sick. Help children see the positive results of their accomplishments. Share about healthy ways you are handling your own frustrations. 

Sadness: Everyone is experiencing multiple levels of loss right now, and the sadness of that can be overwhelming. Children may be sad that they cannot maintain social connections and academic goals that are important to them. The devastation of not being able to see family members in scheduled visits that were already limited is tangible. They may not be able to release stress in their typical outlets such as playing on playgrounds or gathering with friends in public spaces. Always recognize the loss they have experienced and the emotions that follow. Consider suggesting creative outlets for the child such as coloring or journaling to help express strong emotions. Check in with parents to see if you could have sidewalk chalk, an easel or other art supplies delivered.

Acceptance: The ultimate goal is to help children work towards acceptance, honoring all of their emotions while teaching them new skills for how to cope and move forward. That can look like helping a foster child adjust to new remote learning, helping the family develop a new daily routine or test creative ways to maintain connections and support. Preserving connection during this time is going to be pivotal both to children and the parents that serve them. Schedule in Facetime dates, virtual hangouts, and provide resources for outside play as appropriate. Don’t forget to check in on the parents as well, and let their family know you are there to help.