Co-Parenting Well

Foster care is supporting children and their parents during a period of separation. This involves co-parenting with the child’s biological parents. Co-parenting can be one of the hardest parts of a foster parent’s job. Done well, co-parenting can be an essential factor in the child’s smooth return home and reduce the likelihood that the child will reenter foster care. Co-parenting is a gift to kids in foster care because they see the adults in their life working as a team and struggling less with divided loyalties. The foster parent can also serve as a healthy parenting role model for the biological parents. 

9 Tips for Co-Parenting

1. Make contact with the child’s parents as soon as possible. Contact your caseworker for the parents’ information and get approval to reach out to the family. If direct contact isn’t possible, send the parents a note. Assure the parents you will take good care of their child for as long as he is in your home. 
2. Don’t try to replace the child’s parents. Assure the birth parent that you are not trying to replace them in their child’s life. Ask them questions about their child’s likes and dislikes and, whenever possible, solicit their advice. 
3. Don’t take their anger personally. Anger expresses intense grief, humiliation, and fear when their child is placed in foster care. 
4. Refrain from saying negative things about the birth parent. Use words that strengthen the connection between parent and child.
5. Communicate regularly with the child’s parents. Consider setting up a google voice number, post office box, or separate email account to facilitate communication. Some foster parents utilize a Back and Forth Book at visits to receive and share information, photos, and milestones in the child’s life. 
6. Include the child’s parents. With the caseworker’s permission, invite the birth parents to medical appointments, school activities and meetings, church functions, community activities, birthdays, and holidays. Introduce them as the child’s parents. 
7. Build the parents up. Recognize the parents’ strengths, encourage them, and always share something positive and affirming.
8. Treat your foster child’s parents with kindness. Remember that you are modeling good adult behavior to them, as well as to your foster child.
9. Pray for the child’s parents. Encourage the children in your home to add the parents to their prayers.  

​Written by Marilyn Robinson, Family Care Director