Back to school is a busy time of year for families and it can be difficult to get back into the rhythm of a constantly moving routine. Children in foster care often must overcome the additional barriers of entering a new school while living in an unfamiliar home, school and community. This can cause anxiety, sadness and fear, often creating extra trauma and chaos that needs to be navigated.

One tool that can be helpful is to create a quiet space for the child to enjoy. A designated area set aside in the home allows a child space to refresh mind and body, which is especially important for children who have sensory needs, mental health needs or no longer nap. A quiet space provides a break from stimulation and teaches the child a new coping mechanism in managing stress and other big feelings.

Below are some ideas for creating this valuable tool. If you are supporting a foster family through the back-to-school season, consider planning and establishing areas in both of your homes!

• Choose an area of the home away from busy family activities. Include the child in choosing, building and decorating the space. Consider using blankets, pillows, boxes, tents or other structures to create a cozy and secluded space. Engage the child in coming up with a name for the quiet area.​

Not everyone can foster, but everyone can do something. The most important “something” you can do as a support person, and a sure way to stay in rhythm with the Father’s call on your own heart, is to keep the first things first and PRAY.

Your foster or adoptive family needs to be blanketed in constant prayer. They need prayer warriors, lifting them up day and night, petitioning our Father in Heaven for known and unknown needs.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. – Ephesians 6:18 

Below are four ideas to help you keep the first things first and PRAY for your family:

Children entering foster care frequently have questions about why they're in foster care, what foster care is and what it means to live in foster care.  The book, Maybe Days: A Book for Children in Foster Care, by Jennifer Wilgocki and Marcia Kahn Wright, helps answer those questions. 

Maybe Days is recommended for children up to age 12 and can be adjusted to be developmentally and situationally appropriate. The book encourages connection and gives children permission to talk about confusing events they are experiencing and the questions they have. Consider reading this book during the day (instead of before bed) and then plan something fun to do with the child afterward to build trust and allow time for conversations around the thoughts and feelings the child may have after reading the story. 

Four reasons this book is recommended (from a Youtube review by The Early Childhood Therapist):

​One of Jon’s favorite things about being a foster dad is when siblings Ju-Ju, 2 and Mouse, 1 first wake up in the morning and come to him, smiling, with arms raised high, saying, “Up, up!”
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Ju-Ju and Mouse haven’t always trusted Jon, or any adult, enough to ask this question. It took several months of patience and play time on the floor before either child was comfortable enough to talk or receive touch. Both children entered foster care because of significant trauma before Jon and his wife Aydrian welcomed the young siblings into their home.

​Jon and Aydrian, both first responders, have a blended family with five children, ages 8 to 30 years. They are looking forward to welcoming their first grandchild in August. For the couple’s upcoming eleventh anniversary, they are planning to hike the Manitou Incline and enjoy breakfast together. With eight-year-old daughter, Care Bear, Ju-Ju and Mouse wanting his attention after work, Jon gets up early each morning to train for a Half Iron Man in September.

Supporting your foster, kinship or adoptive family through Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be more valuable to them then you might realize. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can feel like heavy lifting for these parents, and here’s why: Children and youth experiencing foster care and/or adoption had and were separated from their first moms and dads. That’s traumatic. 

Holidays that highlight this can trigger feelings of loss, grief, self-doubt, insecurity, anger, resentment, fear, and loneliness, Those feelings expressed as negative behaviors are challenging for parents to deal with, especially when the expectations for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are centered on celebrating, not grieving. Your family may be experiencing angry outbursts and defiance instead of, or along with breakfast-in-bed and hand-made gifts.

Sometimes foster parents are experiencing “empty arms” on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. After caring for a child for weeks, months, sometimes even years, that child has successfully reunified with biological parents. Even as your family celebrates reunification, missing that  little smile or big laugh can be heart-wrenching.

Here’s a few ways you can support your family before, during, and after these holidays:

• Text or call and ask mom or dad how they’re doing. 

 

• Prepare a meal to drop off or grab a dinner gift card to a favorite restaurant.

 

• Send flowers or cookies and a card letting mom and dad know they are ROCKING this foster parent thing.​​

Aah! April! It teases us with sunshine and drenches us in precipitation (at least in a good year). We love the hope that rain and snow bring: the green, the new growth, the flowing rivers and filled-up reservoirs, all waiting for us on the other side of the puddles and drifts. Sometimes it’s hard to embrace hope in the middle of a storm.

​At times, that's what being a foster or adoptive family is like. There's so much hope for growth and restoration. Simultaneously there’s trauma behaviors, uncertainty, and feelings of isolation. During a season of grief and loss, a Project 1.27 kinship parent recently shared that she didn’t need encouragement, she just needed to know people were sitting with her. This is where YOU come in as “her” support team. You don’t need all the answers, sometimes the family you're supporting just wants someone to pull up a chair and sit.