“Good Grief,” a phrase often used to express disbelief or astonishment, but can it  involve something deeper, something that serves a divine purpose? Foster parents are sometimes unprepared for feelings of grief and loss throughout their journey caring for some of the most vulnerable children in our society. Grief is a process that can be intensely uncomfortable or sometimes even painful. What if, in the often unpredictable, heart-wrenching world of foster parenting, grief could actually be… good?

Grief In Fostering
Most foster parents begin their journey caring for children with great love and a deep desire to provide safety and stability. What they’re not always prepared for are the sacrifices and emotional tolls that grief can involve—grief when the child they have grown to love reunifies with their family, grief over the complexities and trauma the child has already experienced in life, grief over the ambiguity of what may come in the child’s future, or even grief involving their own limitations and abilities. 
Sacrificing oneself for the sake of another is not foreign to those who know the love of Jesus. It appears, in the depth of  sorrow, we are being transformed into the image of Christ when we sacrifice ourselves in love. If we let it, grief can deepen our understanding of God’s love. It can open windows of understanding to the deeper mysteries God intends for us to discover when we commit our minds to his mercy, grace, and unfailing love. It can clarify our purpose and remind us of how “God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” John 3:16NKJV. The seeds we sow in every child in our care could be the seeds that bring others to God’s truth. Every moment in love matters and God uses them to strengthen and grow his Kingdom. 

Approaches to letting God make sense of our grief: 

• Read Scripture: Reading and memorizing scripture changes your brain chemistry and builds resiliency.
• Gratitude Journaling: increases dopamine in your brain and renews hope. Gratitude is shown to reduce anxiety and worry. Try journaling times you noticed God answered your prayers and how he has blessed you in sorrow and joy. 
• Prayer and Worship: Has been shown to increase dopamine (associated with joy) and reduces cortisol which is a stress hormone. People who regularly worship and/or pray experience stronger defenses against stress (resiliency), lower levels of depression and anxiety, and have increased joy and peace. 

Remember your grief is not a sign of failure, it is a reflection of a heart full of love. The seeds you are sowing are for the Kingdom and reflect God’s call upon your life. “May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you” 1 Peter 5:10 NKJV. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28 NIV. 

Know this, you are doing Holy work—courageously, imperfectly, and beautifully. 

May you find the indescribable peace that only God can provide. Grief may be the thing God is using to grow your faith and to strengthen your relationship and trust in him. Because maybe “good grief” is not just an oxymoron, maybe it is part of the gift of sacrificial love.
Because sometimes, “good grief” really is possible.
​
By Lisa Marr, Family Care Manager

Only three days after finishing their foster parent certification, Bryce and Christina Smith* were shocked to receive a phone call asking if they'd be a potential adoptive placement for a baby boy.
 
The Smiths knew they'd eventually be open to adoption, but they didn't expect their first placement to be adoptive. Christina recalls, "I called my husband, and we prayed about it. We felt God's peace, so we said, 'Yes. '"

They didn't hear anything back from their placement agency for 14 days as the agency waited to hear when the boy would be released from the hospital.  
 
Then, in a Walmart parking lot, she received a call from Hope's Promise and the child's caseworker. The baby boy, Charlie*, would be joining the Smith family.
 
Christina and Bryce learned that Charlie was being cared for by a single foster mom who was unable to keep him at home in order to meet his medical needs. Charlie got sick easily, had trouble breathing, and had been in and out of the hospital for the first year of his life.  Since Charlie's case was heading toward termination of parental rights, the foster mom knew she needed to help him find a permanent home.
 
The foster mom was a Christian and wanted him with a Christian family willing to allow her to stay involved in his life.  The Smiths coordinated with her to do a transition week for Charlie, working together to help him switch homes. The family realized this was a unique opportunity as foster parents do not usually get a week to transition.
 
Christina was extremely sick the day Charlie officially moved in, stuck upstairs in bed and hardly moving. Bryce had to do the transition with his father-in-law, meeting with Charlie's caseworker and keeping the medically fragile child away from the germs in the home.  
 
The first few weeks with Charlie, Christina remembers thinking, "What are we doing? Are we the best fit? Can we even do this?"
 
The Smiths also had a biological son, Jonah*, who was only eight months older than Charlie. Christina remembers Jonah struggling to share toys and share his parents with Charlie. The family needed to get doubles of most baby equipment. She remembers the difficulty of juggling naps and bedtimes with the two boys, grocery shopping, and figuring out where to put two toddlers in the shopping cart.
 
They were extremely thankful to have family and community wrap around them in the early days. Their support team brought meals, helped care for the boys when Christina was sick, and prayed for them. They found hope through a couple at their church who had adopted, whom they could call anytime and ask questions. Once, Christina's sister came to the ER and sat with her and Charlie for 8 hours. She brought items they needed from the house and made lunch so Christina wouldn't have to worry about bringing food to the hospital and feeding the boys as they waited.  
 
Christina shares, "Bryce and I were very independent people when we started this journey, but we quickly learned we needed others. If you're thinking about stepping into foster care, pray and know that God will give you peace if it's what you're supposed to do. Know where your support is, because you can't do it without support."

Mother’s Day has always felt… complicated.

Not because there wasn’t love—there was. So much love. It showed up in bedtime snuggles, whispered prayers, lego towers, and the quiet moments of triumph when a hard day ended in a smile.
But Mother’s Day was layered.

It was layered with the ache of not knowing. Where was she now—his biological mom? What was her story? Was she thinking of him today, too?

My son had asked again this morning. “Do you think she has blue eyes like me?”

I smiled and looked at the picture he had drawn of us. Our eyes matched—his idea, not mine. “I think God gave you those blue eyes so I could see a little piece of myself in you,” I said, trying to answer a question far too big for a six-year-old heart.

​On May 2nd, Project 1.27's Neighbor Program joined the COS I Love You's City Serve Day. We had 16 volunteers gather in Colorado Springs with a shared mission: to serve foster and kinship caregivers through the simple act of preparing meals. In just a few hours, these dedicated helpers chopped over 60 lbs. of ingredients and assembled 28 freezer meals, ready to bring comfort and convenience to many busy and overwhelmed families.

Volunteers came from across the city, each person giving up part of their day to show up for vulnerable kids and the families caring for them. One mom and her two daughters have participated in the three CityServe meal prep events we've done so far, embodying what it means to build a legacy of compassion through consistent service.

Tell me about your support team.
One of the things Project 127 does best in its training is having families bring their support team to a support team training. About 10 of our friends came to that training and learned how to walk alongside our family as we welcomed kids into our home. Our family currently has a team through the organization RISE on top of our already existing friends and family. This team has served us through meals, coffee, home organization, and friendship. 
 
What are the most impactful things a support team can do, in your opinion?
I think the most impactful thing a support team can do is listen and tailor how they serve according to the family's needs. For one family (us!), it may be gift cards or meals- for another, it may be coming over and folding laundry. The most impactful way to serve starts with listening.
 
Were there any times you didn't feel supported?
I think after we adopted, it wasn't clear to our community that we still needed support- like we rode off into the adoption sunset and lived 'happily ever after.' While we do love our kids so much, things actually amped up behaviorally after adoption, but we were left without a lot of the support we had prior to adoption.
 
Were there any times were they went above and beyond?
In 2024, we realized we needed to create a robust team around us, so we engaged professionals, resources, and our church community to share with them what we needed. We have been so supported through our church, friends, and RISE team ever since. One day, one of our kids injured herself, and I reached out to our support team leader to share what was happening. They rallied the team immediately, showed up at our house with dinner and a cheesecake within hours!
 
Another time, a team of people came to our house for an entire Saturday just to serve our family- they painted a bedroom, hauled yard junk, added slats to our fence, cleaned our oven, and so much more! This was impactful because I desperately wanted to get these things done, but I know they just never would have gotten done- what a burden lifted!
 
Have you experienced any hurtful or unhelpful actions from someone who was trying to "help" you?
Occasionally, unsolicited advice can be hurtful. Our kids have big behaviors, and sometimes, well-meaning friends have 'helpful advice' that maybe isn't so helpful. I would rather have empathy than advice.
 
What advice would you give to support team members?
Lead with empathy in every way you serve. Ask questions instead of making assumptions. Instead of asking 'how can I help?', try giving options and saying something like 'I want to help. Would you like me to deliver a meal this week or can I take you to coffee?' Sometimes, foster parents feel overwhelmed, and the mental load of trying to come up with options is just too much.
Even though Rhonda would say that her kid's behaviors haven’t changed much over the years and are often still extremely difficult, their family’s support has dramatically increased. She is extremely grateful that even with unchanged behaviors, their capacity has greatly increased.