May is not only the last month of the school year, but it’s also Mental Health Awareness Month. Coincidence? I think not! The last month of school is perfect for a mental health check-in. Perhaps you feel weak and need one final push to get to summer, or maybe you’re struggling with the thought of tackling summer. Either way, you are not alone. In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul recounts a continuous, personal struggle with a specific weakness. He pleaded with God to take it away, but instead, God told him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” The apostle says that he chooses to delight in his weakness for Christ’s sake. Some days what God calls us to do feels like a hardship that we wish God would take away.

 Survival care is different from person to person. Survival care is ANYTHING that gives us the energy and the emotional capacity to be regulated and available when our child needs us to bear their pain and face it with them. Survival care prevents us from developing secondary trauma of our own and protects our mental health. Survival care gives us a moment to breathe. To protect our mental health, sometimes we need to stop right where we are and push past self-care to survival care.

10 Survival Care Ideas

1. Put everyone to bed a little bit earlier or let a child sleep on the floor by your bed because it is the only way you can get some rest.
2. Slowly wash your face with a soft, plush towel while taking some deep breaths
3. Stand outside your front door alone for 10 seconds (or slowly take out the trash!)
4. Say ‘yes’ if it makes life easier. Pick your battles.
5. Say “no” to some good things because you need some alone time.
6. Take the day off from packing lunches or the night off from making dinner and take full advantage of convenience foods and ready meals.
7. Drink your favorite soft drink from a coffee mug, so no one asks for a sip.
8. Shower slowly: it is ok to take your time.
9. Let the kids watch a movie because it gives everyone a break.  
10.Buy some overpriced coffee or sweet treat from your favorite place “just because!”

(adapted from Beaconhouse.org.uk)

This May, Project 1.27 was thrilled to host 3 different Hope for the Journey Conference options, serving 57 attendees, including foster, adoptive, and kinship families, as well as church ministry leaders and those who work with vulnerable children. The May Topgolf fundraiser event made it possible to offer the conference, covering the majority of the conference expenses. One attendee noted, “Now that I’ve seen what this conference is all about, I have a lot of people I want to invite next time! It’s so valuable!”

The Metro location of the conference was held at Fellowship Denver Church where participants trained in TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) principles, connected over lunch, and even participated in breakout sessions with local experts, including Cheryl Mock, Megan Magel, and Sadie Dodson. The church ministry leaders benefitted from their own breakout session, featuring Mark Gomez and Emily Stam, where they were able to talk specifically about the church's role in providing a safe, loving environment for kids with a trauma background.  

Because of the heavy content, the Project 1.27 staff wanted to make sure there were plenty of opportunities for fun, as well. Attendees had the chance to win prizes, including Visa gift cards, restaurant gift cards, admission to fun Denver events for children, and even a weekend getaway to Great Wolf Lodge.  Participants also received goodies each day of the conference, including sensory kits, tumblers, snacks, and lunch. On Saturday, attendees were treated to chair massages by Serenity Massage during their lunch break.

In NoCo, Liz Brodzinski, Project 1.27’s NoCo Relationships and Support Manager, hosted 22 attendees. Guests, along with exhibitors and volunteers, joined at round tables in the "Living Room" at Timberline Windsor. There were sticky notes, spiky rings, playdough, mints, and Double Bubble on every table. Three exhibitors came to host tables; Finally Home, Colorado Kids Belong & Raise the Future. They brought helpful resources and several of them were TBRI Practitioners. A Resource Library was available with books for parents, Empowered to Connect DVDs from previous years, brand new picture books for kids, and a plethora of items from our local Foster Closet. Shopping bags were donated from Nightlight Christian Adoptions and people enjoyed gathering resources. The tables in the great hall were covered with snacks, treats, fresh coffee, and water. Each day, for two hours, a massage therapist was available for ten-minute massages. Lunches were spent enjoying the connection with other families and taking some time for a walk in the sunshine. 

The Western Slope offered 5 afternoons across the month of May for attendees to watch the TBRI training videos and come together for a time of discussion and connection, led by Lisa McGinnett, the Project 1.27 Western Slope Director. Lisa shared, “We are 3 weeks into the 5-week event and we have had the best time! From my perspective, this small group has been an encouragement to me as a current foster parent.  Even though I am facilitating the group, I am finding refreshment and camaraderie with these ladies.” 

On the final day of the conference, the Metro attendees were treated to a cheer tunnel, complete with noisemakers, maracas, and lots of cheering, to congratulate them on completing the TBRI training.

One Western Slope attendee shared, "Although I attended the virtual H4J last year, this is always a good reminder.  I think people should go through this EVERY year as a refresher course.”

May is National Foster Care Awareness Month, highlighting the importance of foster care and acknowledging foster parents.  Fostering children from hard places can be a challenge, and foster parents need their support team as they navigate the rough waters of caring for these children. This month is also a great time to check in on your support team responsibilities.  If your foster family received a child or sibling group today, would you know the next steps in supporting them?
  
Based on the needs of the newly forming family, your team should decide who will be fulfilling which tasks in the first days of your family receiving a new placement. Praying for a smooth transition for both the children and parents should be a priority for everyone, but who will chair the meal team (http://www.mealtrain.com)? Who will help with finding a bed or safety gate? Who is on call to run errands that first week after the kiddos arrive so the new family can focus on getting settled? Who will investigate community resources depending on the age of the children? Who will serve as the point person for the team?

Is Your Team Prepared?
Use this checklist to access the health of your support team. Where needed, apply suggested remedies to keep your team- and family- healthy and strong!

1. A team member has checked in this month to determine how family members are doing.
Rx: Make sure a team member calls or stops by within the next 24 hours.

2. All support team members are updated with the family and respond to needs.
Rx: Send a team update and ask team members to share how they’re involved.

3. The communication system is working, and the support team is “in the loop.”
Rx: Improve communication with a private Facebook page, text, or phone tree. Hold a team meeting to reconnect and reorganize.

4. The team is anticipating upcoming family needs.
Rx: Brainstorm what the family might be experiencing in the coming months and how the team can prepare to help. Is the child heading into adolescence? Is school starting soon? Are there any changes like a child moving to live with a relative or adoption finalization on the horizon?

5. Respite and childcare are being provided, so parents have time to refresh and regroup.
Rx: Organize weekly breaks for parents. Organize consistent respite care for a struggling child.

6. New team members are being added to help with unmet needs.
Rx: Explore with family who else could be a part of the team.

7. Team members know how to pray and pray regularly for the family.           
Rx: Designate a prayer leader to gather prayer requests from family members and communicate to team members.

8. Support team members feel neither consistently overwhelmed nor underutilized.
Rx: Shift responsibilities or add new team members as needed.

In 2014, as Heather and Matt Williamson were finalizing preparations to serve as foster parents, they set aside a little bedroom in their house and prayed, “If this is right for us, let us know.” The next day, they received a call from a friend whose grandsons were going into foster care. The Williamsons welcomed the two young brothers into their home. The boys had experienced significant trauma and the couple worked hard for the next four months to help the boys heal and grow. When a relative stepped forward to care for the siblings, it left a big hole in Heather and Matt’s hearts, but they realized they had been available to stand in the gap for the children. 

While the couple was fostering, Heather became very sick. After the boys went to live with relatives, she visited Mayo Clinic and was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, type 3. This changed the trajectory of Heather’s life as she couldn’t further her education to become a professor of psychology and temporarily had to walk with a cane. This also meant that having children posed a 50/50 chance of having a child born with EDS. Fighting discouragement, Heather launched a new business, The Dainty Blossom Company, an award-winning home and body product business. 

Heather was seeking her new path forward when, while cleaning a closet, a photo of the little brothers she had fostered fell from a shelf.  After the picture literally hit Heather in the face, the Williamsons decided to get certified as foster parents again, with the intention of serving a legally free child through adoption. In 2018, the couple first learned about a little boy named Jace when Matt’s sister, a Grand Junction police officer, had to remove him from his home. Heather prayed that they would be able to care for Jace. Jace first went to another foster home, but when an adoptive family was needed, the Williamsons were approached as potential parents and adopted Jace in 2020. Heather describes Jace as sweet, artistic, caring and kind. Since his adoption, Jace, now seven, has really blossomed. 

Jax* joined the family just two months after Jace’s adoption. He had moved from five foster homes in the past year because of behaviors that stemmed from neglect. Jax, four, screamed a lot and greatly struggled with verbal, social, and emotional skills. Heather felt her psychology background could help Jax heal and grow. Jax’s behaviors, at times, were a lot to handle and Heather sometimes questioned if she was the right person for Jax. Heather recognized this feeling as a need for time for her own self-care. Meanwhile, with the help of a steady routine, positive affirmations, and realistic expectations,  Jax began to make significant progress. He has now graduated from speech and play therapy,  and is doing exceptionally  well in kindergarten. The Williamson’s are hoping to adopt Jax soon. The Williamsons, now a family of four, have fun together four-wheeling, fishing, foraging, kayaking, hiking and working in their huge garden.

Heather and Matt aren’t sure what’s ahead in terms of fostering, but they want to stay involved in serving vulnerable children. Heather is a board member for CASA Mesa County and serves on the fundraising committee. The couple recently drove from Grand Junction to Denver to give testimony for recently passed HB22-1113, a bill that provides for a timelier path to permanency for children in foster care. Heather shares about her testimony, “Kids are missing out on valuable learning and growth time while they wait. When a child doesn’t have permanency, he must constantly deal with the worry of being moved again. I wanted to advocate so that kids don’t lose any more time than necessary.” 

Heather plans to continue advocating for kids, encouraging others to become a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate), foster or adoptive parent. She also enjoys supporting other foster parents who are struggling with kids that have difficult trauma-related behaviors.

When asked what advice she has for other people considering foster care, Heather responded, “Do it! Go to an Info Meeting. There’s never a perfect time. Foster care, like anything else truly good in life, requires a leap of faith. I really stress the faith part. The more we looked for what God wanted us to do, the further we went into foster care. Post a question on Facebook, ‘Looking for people involved in foster care’ and you will find your community.”
*Name changed to protect confidentiality. 

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month and foster parents have a difficult role to play in child abuse prevention. The foster parents’ role is to help the child who has been abused to heal, feel safe, and learn to trust again.

This is no small task.

Often the children that are placed in a foster home have been neglected or hurt, either intentionally or unintentionally, by the very people who were supposed to love and protect them. As you can probably imagine, what these kids have gone through has broken their trust in all adults. Because they can longer trust that adults will do their job, the child is not free to do their job of just being a kid. Their brain now tells them, “Adults will let you down and hurt you. You have to be in control at all times and take care of yourself. No matter what they say or do, don't trust them! Stay alive!”
This broken trust and lack of safety set foster parents up for an incredibly difficult but necessary job. What a privilege to be the one called to reestablish these basic human rights for a precious child of God! Trauma that has occurred in a relationship can only be healed through a relationship. Building trust and connection with a child that has been hurt is hard and is often a thankless job. This is why foster and adoptive families need us.
Thankfully, God never calls us to face the hard stuff alone! As the foster family you support is seeking to provide the ‘boots on the ground’ daily care, you are called to be their tactical backup:

Reach out.  Let them know you see the valuable role they are playing in keeping God’s children safe and helping them heal.
Find out what they need. Let them know you are here to help. Offer to bring them a meal or a gift card from their favorite restaurant. Do they need some diapers or milk? Grab a few things for them from the grocery store.  
Ask how you can pray for them. What specific things are they facing this month? How can you pray for their family? For each child?

We all have a role to play in preventing child abuse. Thank you for supporting your foster family so well!

A well-known phrase from Christianity is “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” This truth permeates the hearts and minds of most believers and has even seeped into secular culture. We see it quoted in Acts 20.35 as Paul is encouraging the Ephesians to support one another. It may seem a bit counterintuitive, but when God moves in our heart to give to and serve others, we experience divine joy. This is because through our selflessness we become more conformed to the image of Christ, who gave himself for us. Further, the more we serve, the more we grow in our love for service. We cultivate ways to reflect His goodness and glory to those around us. 

God calls us to be a helper because he is a helper. This is reflected throughout Scripture. In Matt. 5.16, for example, Jesus says, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Helping others is not just a good thing to do: it is a holy thing to do. Exhibiting the love of Christ to others amid a self-serving culture sets us apart as believers. Serving foster families gives an opportunity to experience this blessing. What a wonderful way to grow in holiness! 

Do you have a plan to show Christ's love to your foster family this month? Here are some ideas:

Take a meal – Food is always a good idea. You could even take it a step further and organize a meal calendar that provides your family a meal per week. If you live far away from your family, send a door dash or Uber eats gift voucher. 

Create a new placement basket – Has your family received a new placement lately? Create a basket of supplies they may need. Once you know the child’s age you can pick up some clothing, pajamas, personal hygiene items, toys, snacks, or school supplies. Ask the family if there is a specific need. Be sure to give this basket as a gift to the foster parents, so they can decide what and when these things are given to the child. 

Happy New Year! Now, as you look forward into 2022, is a wonderful time to consider how you will support the foster and adoptive families in your life. Could you try one new thing this year to reach out and love the family you support? You could:

• Pray – Reach out and ask how you can specifically pray for your foster or adoptive family. Consider setting a reminder in your phone to text or check in about prayer request updates and to see how they are doing. 
  ​
  
• Feed – No matter what stage of placement or adoption the family is in, the scheduling demands of caring for children who have experienced trauma leave little time to plan a meal. Offering to drop a meal in their refrigerator or freezer can be just the relief needed at the end of a long day. Gift cards for the family to order in are great too! Another option is providing care packages for children and adults. Deliver a sack of kid friendly snacks such as juice boxes, protein snacks, apples, granola bars, or fruit snacks, and don’t forget the adults with favorites like dark chocolate, donuts, or coffee.